Sequestered is as sequestered does.

I have a full plate, and you all have the knife and fork with which to clean it off.

Last year during Interbike time, I was enjoying an evening cocktail with my lady friend Demonika and my man friend JMac. I believe we were sitting somewhere on the grounds of Caesar’s Palace, when a young woman ran into an expansive open plaza and began sprinting in wide arching circles, much like you would expect to see a young child or someone on a dose of mind altering something or other do.
Eventually she made her way to my table and stopped, asking me first if I was Richie Sambora, and then second, if I was me, both of which I said yes to.
She introduced herself as Alexis Finch from Thought You Knew. I was familiar with her through an assortment of email correspondences we’d shared, and she explained her presence at that year’s show and what she hoped to achieve with it. With the conclusion of our conversation, she turned tail and sped back off into the warm evening.
For those of you unfamiliar with Thought You Knew, as I said last year, they’re creating a calendar featuring some sassy local women folk who are not only not hard on the eyes, but also happen to be integral members of the Chicago area bike scene;
As Ms. Finch expressed to me regarding the meat and potatoes of this gig, “we hope to step in to bridge the gap between women and the bike shops they so want to love. We invite women to come by their local bike shop after hours to meet the mechanics, learn how to fix flats and get to know their bikes, one esoterically named derailleur and bottom bracket at a time. We’re hoping to bring this not only to shops in Chicago, but in cities nation wide in 2012.”

So despite my best efforts, here are a whole bunch more women who not only haven’t I forced out of the bike scene, but they are actually reveling in it and being all independent and stuff.
It’s absolutely infuriating.
Sisyphus ain’t got nothing on me.
In news of the world, I have some bullet points to go along with last Wednesday’s piece about the woman threatened with arrest after allowing her child to ride a bike to school.
It would seem as though Tennessee has stepped up the insanity and the state’s governor Bill Haslam signed into law a bill that makes emailing ‘offensive’ pictures illegal.
Now who is going to be the one that dictates which images are and are not offensive hasn’t been made clear.
It’s hard to believe that not one single individual in the Tennessee state legislature didn’t at some point clear their throat and say “you know, there’s a pretty big grey area here. Has anyone even thought to take that into consideration?”
Never ones to take a backseat to stupidity, Florida came back swinging as state Republicans begin their fight to keep ‘cohabitation’ of unmarried couples illegal.
Oh… That’s rich.
As Shannon, who sent me that article so brilliantly stated, “it’s like a no holds barred cage match between Florida, Tennessee & Arizona all trying to out shithead each other.”
Don’t forget Utah. As state lawmakers previously proposed to remove the twelfth grade from the primary school schedule, they can never be counted out.
Having less to do with stupid, and more to do with awesome, last week Danger got in touch and asked me thirteen questions for his new weblog called The Hand Up. In our correspondence, I mentioned that I may have been responsible for among the world’s first dollar premes. He asked for details and I provided them to him thusly;
The Birth Of The Dollar Preme.
As it turns out, not only did both Tim Johnson, and Andy Jacques-Maynes chime in on the subject, but super announcer Dave Towle who was also present at the 1999 San Francisco Cross Nationals did as well, and they have all verified my account.
And to think that my middle school guidance counselor said I would never amount to anything.
Going from there to over here, Niki from Seattle’s Mobius Cycle Boutique made contact regarding this year’s Core Whore bicycle related alley cat-esque athletic pursuit;
2011 CoreWhoreFlyer2.jpg
There will be chills and thrills for those young and old.
Not related to that in the least, Charles from Art Crank gave me a shout with a heads up about this brand new collaboration between A.C. and The Trek Bicycle Machine Company;

That’s some good stuff, and Charles is a sweetheart of a fellow. I’m proud of all that has developed in his empire and am thankful that I have been allowed to come along for the ride.
It is with that, that I announce this coming week I have committed to not avoiding jury duty. I’ve successfully dodged it for many years and it wasn’t until Yafro made the point “if you were on trial, wouldn’t you want you to be on the jury?” that I changed my tune. A jury of ‘my peers’ would certainly not be my peers.
Besides, what the hell do I have to do with my days?
Assuming I will be rejected, I will see you back here on Wednesday, but with my luck, I’ll end up getting picked for the equivalent of the OJ trial, in which case I’ll catch you back here sometime towards the end of 2012.

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8 Responses to “Sequestered is as sequestered does.”

  1. pedrobarboney September 5, 2011 at 8:17 am #

    Sexual empowerment through objectification + man hater/penis envy = ironicalness

  2. Erik September 5, 2011 at 8:41 am #

    Jury duty could put a serious damper on Intertrike shenanigans.

  3. bRado September 5, 2011 at 1:06 pm #

    be sure to wear the sleeveless orange jump suit for jury duty

  4. staceyj September 6, 2011 at 4:26 pm #

    Utards are, as a rule, crazy as fuck. But Buttars (the jackass who proposed ditching the 12th grade) is off the charts batshit loony. He’s an embarrassment to those of us who drink, swear, and choose not to place party line GOP votes on election day.

  5. Loudass, Esq. September 6, 2011 at 4:30 pm #

    Just tell that you don’t speak English. That always works for me.

  6. DS September 6, 2011 at 5:12 pm #

    Ha! being picked for a multi-month trial would be up there with root canal w/out anesthetic or being forced to cheer on michael vick from the eagle’s bench and pat him on the back while wearing nike apparel.

  7. Jim September 6, 2011 at 10:09 pm #

    Well Stevil, it seems to me that most Courthouses close business for the day by 4pm, maybe 5. So if you were to serve, and work on your posts during the evening, you could actually increase your income. You could afford better beer, or larger amounts of cheap beer, paid for by the taxpayers of the Great State of California. Sounds like a win-win.

  8. Danger September 20, 2011 at 7:54 pm #

    Did you provide me “detals”? sounds like something I got provided in Vegas about two blocks from the strip.