Putting the ‘blitz’ in Blitzkrieg Bop.

When confronted with a suspicious package that’s labeled ‘letter bomb’, it’s best to approach with caution;

As I’ve mentioned plenty times in the past, an occurrence I’ve long held close to my heart is the reception of mail. Not just coupons or nice smelling catalogs but personalized objects verifying that somewhere, someone thought of you long enough to create a bottled note and set it off to sea. I was long resistant to the idea of email for this reason, as it would undermine people’s motivation to maintain personal contact with their counterparts. To receive a postcard or a letter or a care package has a quality to it that no amount of electronic mail ever could.
For these reasons, a recent trip to the post office was a veritable bonanza. First I got a box of random crap off the floor from Dan at The Nashville Bicycle Lounge. Greasy hub shells, stickers, a skateboard wheel, a zip tie, some socks and so on. Since I was on my way into the woods on my mountain bicycle, I picked through the box in order to carry as little of it with me on my ride as possible, much to the curiosity of others around me.
Then I opened up my newest Dank Bags custom Cüzie Of The Month Club offering;
I have so many cüzies (or ‘travelas‘ as my Australian friends tend to call them), I suspect my better half may be building a raft out of them for a Viking’s funeral she’s planning for me, but few of them are as beloved as those I get from Dank.
I also received a selection of goods from a little company in Hotlanta called Alter Portables. They too sent me a cüzie (containing a beer, thankyouverymuch), as well as a phone condom and a t-shirt;
I don’t have one of those phones that respond when you touch it, making this piece’s touch sensitive plastic face a missed benefit, however I do have a phone that responds when it gets dropped, sweat on, or has a beer knocked over on it, so to that end, this item works brilliantly.
Apparently as of yet this is still in the prototype kind of stage, so if you are interested in one for yourself, make contact with them directly.
Furthermore, a small company near Kansas City called Taddihogg generously set me up with a couple of custom chapeaus (one of which is modeled here by Chlöië);
This guarantees that during hunting season, the top of my head will be the only part that’s not shot at.
Finally, from The Fat Cyclist I was very generously bestowed a copy of his new book, ‘Comedian Mastermind’ for my twelve-word-a-minute reading pleasure. I just concluded reading David Cross’ ‘I Drink For A Reason’, so this should make a perfect follow up.
After making my way out of civilization and into the woods with a whole load of goods on my back, I eventually found a sunny spot and began to investigate my loot;
I was honored to see that Fatty had even gone so far as to personalize it for me;
signedbookfrom fc.jpg
I sat down in the grass and cracked the spine as well as the top of a can of beer and began my journey through Fatty’s greatest hits.
Eventually the sun began to drop which was making reading difficult and I had to pack up all of my generously bestowed goods and move on to the next objective which was replenishing my secret stash;
Mission accomplished.
It’s days like the when I have a pretty good idea of what Ice Cube was talking about.
Continuing on with business… Do you like parties? Of course you do. Warpath from NYC Velo does as well and they are hosting one this coming weekend in honor for the WhattheytakeseriouslyinBoulder Nationals;
Go there, have some drinks and eat a couple Little Smokeys. It will be awesome.
Moving on… It was towards the end of December when I penned a rant regarding the current SOPA debacle. If that bit was too much to take in, then perhaps this easily digestible video will be more to your liking;

Can you dig it? Certainly if a gigantor social media site like Facebook took stock, they would propose something like this;
And while a small fry like AHTBM would most likely fly under the radar, (at least for a little while) this act will ultimately affect us in ways we can’t even begin to imagine. Anyway, as I had mentioned in that previous post, you can begin to make your voices heard by clicking here, though that is clearly not what The Man wants.
America- World Police.
Freedom of speech in the electronic frontier and I both thank you.
In closing and back to mail for a second just because I can’t seem to shake it as a topic today, with the arrival of The twenty twelve AHTBM kit, I thought I was all set to take the imaginary peloton by storm this spring, but then I came home to a package on Tuesday night jam packed with a blistering hot array of Ritte Van Vlaanderen soft goods;
For the sake of full disclosure, I dropped my own hard earned coin on the threads. I had just forgotten about it. Merry Crass Mass to me. Anyway, the Ritte goods are manufactured by Primal (famous for designs that would make Michael Ball blush) but that aside, I have nothing but praise for the fit and overall quality of these new threads.
I don’t think at any time in my life have I ever had so many new articles of bike clothing all at the same time as I do right now.
While I lounge around in all of it at the same time while simultaneously cloaked in a bathrobe that smells of a homeless person soaked in chicken noodle soup, I’m enjoying a consistent sensation of being ten feet faster.
Not relating to any of that, but something I think about with frequency is another query I made this year to which I never received a definite response was, what the hell happened to Dave Wyndorf?
It looks as if he ate himself.
Somebody better call the letter bomb police ’cause it looks like (wait for it…) Dave is blowing up.

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11 Responses to “Putting the ‘blitz’ in Blitzkrieg Bop.”

  1. teamfubar January 6, 2012 at 5:36 am #

    Is it ironic or terrifying that while watching the SOPA video, I lost “connection” and couldn’t finish it?

  2. Brendan January 6, 2012 at 7:33 am #

    Every time I’ve tried to mail beer to someone, it has been intercepted somewhere along the way.

  3. Pablo Picnostral January 6, 2012 at 8:33 am #

    That’s a damn fine cozie, that Maglia Rosa/World Champion number, yes it is.

  4. Dirty Cyclist January 6, 2012 at 9:09 am #

    You say you’re addicted to skate, but all you do is put on weight

  5. eliot January 6, 2012 at 9:58 am #

    that greasy front hub was from me… you’re welcome.

  6. Jonny Hamachi January 6, 2012 at 10:00 am #

    Spine of God Fucking Rules

  7. MF NOOM January 6, 2012 at 11:02 am #

    DANK BAGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I always try to steal Cory’s coozie, they’re usually the nicest.

  8. el Presidente January 6, 2012 at 11:58 am #

    There really is no better day, than the one where you don’t need to use your AK.

  9. Josh RVA January 6, 2012 at 12:27 pm #

    Failed your New Year’s resolution already I see.

  10. Tony Two Times January 6, 2012 at 2:39 pm #

    What happened to Dave Wyndorf? Simple! He gave up drugs! Let that be a lesson, kids.

  11. pedro January 6, 2012 at 5:24 pm #

    That Chloie, she gotta real nice mouth.