Tom Thumb, Tom Cushman or Tom Foolery. I date women on T.V. with the help of Chuck Woolery.

Given my recent absence, today we will not engage in any bush-beating-around-ing and we will get right to business;


One might wonder what this image has today with the above sentiment, and I can only say that from my perspective, it is clear based on the woman with the ledger and the bell, that getting down to business is exactly what these ladies have in mind. At least the two closest to us and the woman behind the desk are serious about their objective. The two on the far end are too busy goofing off and will probably miss out on some very important information. It’s completely beside the point, but I also find a great deal of pleasure in the fact that this caption is a bit long, and as such takes some time to read, resulting in at least one person having to explain to a co-worker, compatriot, or companion just why exactly they are staring at a photo on their computer of a group of older ladies wearing nothing but their finest Sunday hats and various bits of pearl jewelry.

First up, my old friend and new neighbor JMac sent me the following image at the very tip of Saturday morning with no explanation;
Then again, I don’t suppose an explanation is really necessary.

Speaking of JMac, this past weekend, he and I met up with another long time compatriot named Dominic for an all day adventure in my new, old, new backyard;

It was a fine day to be sure, complete with the exploration of an old creepy cabin;

The contents of which were puzzling to say the least;

It was a perfect afternoon of zigging and zagging and catching up on old times and new, when I found a fat wallet beside the trail. I opened it to find a bunch of money, I.D., credit cards, and so on, but it wasn’t until I pulled out every single bit of the wallet’s contents that I finally found a phone number for its owner. I made the call and it seemed as though the fellow on the other end of the line had taken a spill on his mountain bicyclecycle and was unaware that he had lost anything at all. He’d mentioned that he was currently sitting with a bag of frozen edamame on his forehead which apparently had a considerable lump on it.

We hatched a plan to meet up later that afternoon, which we did and I was able to give Rocco his stuff back. He appreciated that.

He asked if I would like a reward to which I responded with, “ordinarily just knowing that you had your wallet back would be reward enough, but I happen to be broke, so yes, please.” He laid a couple of twenties on me and we parted ways. This was especially fortuitous because just a couple hours later I made my way to San Francisco to meet up with the lovely and talented Jesse Lee Denning and Amanda Lynn, where I promtly threw most of my windfall away on cocktails. However between their graces and the company of my considerably better half, I didn’t much care;

So besides riding my bike with friends and hanging out with vixens, I think at this point you’ve noticed that I’ve been busy finally putting the finishing touches on the Black Market’s facelift.

Truthfully, I really didn’t do too much of anything aside from complain and whine a bunch as Cobra Commander and Gary Simms turned all the knobs.

To be a perfectly frank, I’m damn happy with how it turned out and I am proud to finally have this task scratched off my bucket list. It might not seem like that big a deal, but believe me when I say this has been in the works for like, three moon cycles.

Please note that I have upped the real estate for the residents of the Maximo Supremo section, and included a new one with the addition of Raleigh Bicycles. Visit them all with frequency and give them as much of your hard earned cash as you can afford. Without them I would be a shell of a person, or would at least have to snort my coke through a denomination smaller than a fifty.

Now if I can just figure out how to use this new platform, we’ll be good to go.

To quote one of my favorite bands, “I can’t believe I got this far with a head so empty.”

In closing, The Zoltron™ made contact with the story about  a bus driver getting a mere seventeen months in prison for intentionally hitting a cyclist. The story has made the rounds, so I post it here for the one person who hasn’t read about it yet.

If I were to pick going head to head with a psychopathic English coach operator or a pack of naked grannies, I’d pick the latter ten times out of ten.

Spread this like it's sick

Leave a Reply

14 Responses to “Tom Thumb, Tom Cushman or Tom Foolery. I date women on T.V. with the help of Chuck Woolery.”

  1. J. Norton February 20, 2012 at 6:52 am #

    Extremely well-deployed Beastie snatch as title, sir. Made my meager Monday glow with memories being younger and ever more-stupid. Welcome (back) to the new abode.

  2. pedalman February 20, 2012 at 7:03 am #

    I checked my box with 3 X’s, cause I’m a bad man!

  3. cheapneasy February 20, 2012 at 7:16 am #

    Were the “Employees Must Carve Slayer Into Forearms Before Returning To Work” stickers your design? Someone has seen one in the wild and posted it to reddit WTF.

  4. Velonurse February 20, 2012 at 8:07 am #

    After reading todays post and rubbing my rootbeer brown eyes in disbelievability, a cold shudder ran through me. Only just Saturday morning did I have a premonition that I would see my favorite personality from the bloggosphere on a trail, we both share by regional proximity. But I missed my opportunity to behold you with my own eyes, because I was distracted by my black dog on said trail who may have become entangled with 3 bicycles. As I regained my focus, my attention went directly to one of the rider’s AHTBM kit and another’s Riv- Hillborne. Now I know We were both there together but apart. I long for the next opportunity to share mud and sweat with you in the oak and redwood. Is this an over share???

  5. gary February 20, 2012 at 8:12 am #

    Site looking good stevil!

  6. Keith Earickson February 20, 2012 at 8:56 am #

    I’ll never figure out this damn market. One day it’s down, and the next day, …it’s down. Bill Brasky is the finest damn trader in the world & a damn good dancer. TO BILL BRASKY!

  7. curtis February 20, 2012 at 1:21 pm #

    You’re in the new-old world for one whole week and you’ve hung out with more vixens than I’ve seen in this shit hole since I moved here. Balderdash.

    Demonika was right, I’m in the wrong fuckin’ town.

    Diggin’ the site update. Uncharacteristically clean.

  8. -dan February 20, 2012 at 1:34 pm #

    hadn’t read it yet. we could do without that bus driver… just sayin’.
    dig the new digs by the way.

  9. C rank February 20, 2012 at 3:07 pm #

    Congrats on the new Man Cave. Damn fine scotch sir, if I do say so myself.

  10. Josh RVA February 20, 2012 at 3:52 pm #

    New site looks great! Also nice on mobile…

  11. Nived February 20, 2012 at 4:54 pm #

    Great to see you all settled back in and back to the land of Oak,,, Riding two wheels in old places can make smiles happen.

  12. Sally February 21, 2012 at 6:43 pm #

    Welcome to the fine art of Shark Jumping Mr Stevil. First thing we need to do is get after all that hair of yours to make you more Aero…for jumping, riding and drinking purposes. Second…as a sponsor of the site we’d appreicate if you used words like “vertically compliant”, “optimized”, and “innovative design” in your posts more. Third…you will not recieve your first check until my MatchBoxCar collection has been returned…unsoiled.

  13. mostlypedals February 26, 2012 at 2:20 pm #

    Beastie plug? Ziiinnggggg