Your Wednesday morning attitude adjuster.

Kicking off today’s hodgepodge is a notification that artist to the stars, Brado just buffed out the promo poster for September’s Monster Cross Challenge;It might seem silly to begin promoting a race that’s not scheduled until fall, but chances are this is gonna fill up quickly, so you might as well get on board now, because you won’t be able to later.

In other news of flyers and the events they promote, please take notice of the Levi’s commuter series blowout slated for, um… Tomorrow? Yeah, that’s right. Come join my compatriots and me at a bash hosted by The Mission Bicycle Company;

Each of the ‘crews’ (that would be the dirts from Zeitgeist Racing and Godspeed Courier and myself) will have limited edition t-shirts on hand and for sale, the proceeds from which will directly benefit Kiva, The Bay Area Women’s and Children’s Center, and I.M.B.A.. That doesn’t suck. Get a sweet shirt and know that your money is going somewhere other than into the pocket of a drug dealer. That’s something we can all feel good about.

Except for the drug dealer I guess. It’s kind of a bummer for them.

As long as we are on the topic of events, I guess I will take the opportunity to discuss this past weekend’s Velo Cult shop warming and all of the other nonsense and mayhem that occurred in association with my arrival to Portland. As anyone who has spent a share of time on this site knows, The City of Roses has on many occasions chewed me up and spit me out without so much as a kiss goodbye, and I would be lying if I said this trip was any different.

I arrived on the scene and was immediately met by the dirtbag. Of course when one is planning to embark on a weekend of godless heathenry, having such a skilled guide is imperative. Before we got into anything however, I did what I do every time I go there and called a woman whose ass has its own Facebook fan page;

And in following with tradition, before we parted ways I gave her some artwork to remember me by;

Because after all, 41 is the new 14.

But at this point, daylight was burning, so it was time to meet up with the Beaver because the knob wasn’t going to both, turn to eleven and get broken off without some assistance;

As it turned out, The Beaver had already bent reality with his allocation of a new bike mojo;

My plea to give the little fellow a proper burial fell on deaf ears as our new mascot stayed in or company though the duration of the evening.
Then again, when The Beaver is driving the bus, your best hope is just to stay out of spitting distance, as time with him is not unlike what I would imagine it would be like to hang out with an ill behaved and poo-flinging monkey.

To counter his antics, I made a trip to stop by and see my website superhero Gary;If you want a muscle car built, a tree topped, a kitchen redone, a website built or a gap kickflipped, Gary is your man. If I wasn’t married, and Gary was a girl, I would give him my forever.

Now that we were sufficiently lubed, it was time to make our way to the bike shop to see what was what. As it turns out, what was in fact, was ‘what’ was and it just so happens I have some photos to prove it;

Like I’ve said before, Velo Cult is known for their clean bathrooms.

The young woman whose back it turned to us, if I remember correctly, showed visible disapproval towards some of our antics, so to her I would like to offer a sincere apology. When hanging out with an ill behaved poo flinging monkey, sometimes one’s own demeanor can take a turn to the similar.
This is Jeremy’s scar tissue. They had to cut his ear off in order to repair its drum. He’s like a well dressed Frankenstein.

Something about this moustache compelled me to get a decent close up photo of it. Posting it compels me to find its botanical counterpart;

Among the many treasures found in the labyrinth of the building, Anthony’s chopper was certainly one. This is the gas cap of his chopper that his holding his grandmother’s finger, which she accidentally cut off and then after not being able to reattach it, sent to him.

Sky said that right now his shop is about 20% done. They have big, big plans and when he mentioned to me “this is my ‘I hate bike shops’, bike shop”, it was confirmed that his spot is most definitely set to be our clique and scene’s (click and seen?) clubhouse.

The crowds were thinning and sleep was imminent, but my host pulled what he called an ‘Irish Goodbye’. Without a word he vanished into the night, so I found someone else who would have me for the evening. At some point between midnight and three, I concluded day one by hitting the pillow at one hundred and fifty miles an hour.

It’s at this stage in our game that I am going to pull the plug on today’s post. The second installment of the the booze fueled Kamikaze flight that was 72 hours in Portland will conclude on Friday. Highlights may or may not include chicken and waffles, passing out at a bus stop, and cleavage.

And very possibly all three at the same time.

Spread this like it's sick

Leave a Reply to Andrew Warren Click here to cancel reply.

16 Responses to “Your Wednesday morning attitude adjuster.”

  1. Harold Holdren March 28, 2012 at 5:53 am #

    Nice. He has some classic rides in that place. That Yeti..mMMmMMmMMMMMmmm
    If I am ever in that area, will drop in and smack some bottoms.

  2. Caroline March 28, 2012 at 6:35 am #

    Nobody dared turn their back to “Beaver” that night, and the crowd continually shifted from one side of the room to the other to avoid him. Like I said, had I just had my taser… I’d really have loved to see how well it works! And I bet most everyone else would have, too. Heh.

  3. Ben March 28, 2012 at 6:49 am #

    Stan may have made it to Evil Beaver status before he vanished from your sight. Kinda looks like the Dirtbag is about to fold him up and cram him in his backpack in that one shot. Maybe that’s where he went?

    • Stevil March 28, 2012 at 6:55 am #

      The Stansition occurred early in the evening. He and his squirrel swerved off into the night. The Dirtbag on the other hand Houdinied, with his own bag as well as someone else’s for no other reason than because it had orange on it.

  4. fomenter March 28, 2012 at 7:30 am #

    The elusive Stansition – a phenomenon rarely witnessed by the human eye…

    • nick March 28, 2012 at 8:38 am #

      I disagree. I do believe the Stansition occurs often and early in an evening of heavy dirtbagging.

  5. Ghostship Matt March 28, 2012 at 8:38 am #

    The gas-cap on the chopper is one of the best custom bits I’ve ever seen. Holy-fuck that’s insane. And the painting to match? Good christ. I don’t smoke, but I need to go light up and have a shower.

  6. Brian March 28, 2012 at 9:48 am #

    “The Irish Goodbye” just had me shooting coffee out my nose! No lies. I’ve been known to pull the same maneuver once or twice…

  7. ulysses ronquillo March 28, 2012 at 10:35 am #

    The only reason that Dan Cheever doesn’t live in Iowa is because Stan Beaver was kicked out of the state. And, one cannot exist without the other. He’s only allowed back for weddings, funerals and RAGBRAI.

  8. Sov March 28, 2012 at 1:01 pm #

    I miss the Beav.

  9. Mollie March 28, 2012 at 1:44 pm #

    In Montana, we call the “Irish Goodbye” a “Greasy French Fry”.

  10. Alex March 28, 2012 at 6:32 pm #

    Most of been fun. Based on the very unusually high number of spelling mistakes present, it seems your even still drunk from it!

  11. Loudass, Esq. March 29, 2012 at 9:47 am #

    That tool board made me cum in my pants.

  12. Andrew Warren March 29, 2012 at 10:53 am #

    Look what I found on VeloCult’s photobooth page of their site:

  13. One Eyed z March 29, 2012 at 11:46 am #

    The Irish Goodbye is one of my favorite types of good byes. Unless its preformed by someone else.

  14. 333 March 29, 2012 at 3:20 pm #

    That Cobra Dog hoodie! Love the DDC.