“Maybe you should refocus on bikes, and bike related things.”

The above quote came from from a commenter in response to Wednesday’s post, dusting off the classic ‘you should stick to bikes’ observation.

He continued by mentioning that he felt as though the content of the site had become stale.

In response to this, I twatted the following Tweet;

“When commenters tell me to stick to bikes, I’ll dedicate an entire post to cork production or boob size or tennis balls.”

In response to that, Michael dared me, saying that he bet I couldn’t get past one paragraph.

Well dear readers, prepare to be dazzled and educated.

Before the development of lawn tennis in the early 1870s, the sport was played as the courtly game of real tennis. In 1480, Louis XI of France forbade the filling of tennis balls with chalk, sand, sawdust, or earth, and stated that they were to be made of good leather, well-stuffed with wool. Other early tennis balls were made by Scottish craftsmen from a wool-wrapped stomach of a sheep or goat and tied with rope. Those recovered from the hammer-beam roof of Westminster Hall during a period of recent restoration were found to have been manufactured from a combination of putty and human hair, and were dated to the reign of Henry VIII. Other versions, using materials such as animal fur, rope made from animal intestines and muscles, and pine wood, were found in Scottish castles dating back to the 16th century. In the eighteenth century, 3/4″ strips of wool were wound tightly around a nucleus made by rolling a number of strips into a little ball. String was then tied in many directions around the ball and a white cloth covering sewn around the ball.

I found this old tennis ball in my backyard.

In the early 1870s lawn tennis arose in Britain through the pioneering efforts of Walter Clopton Wingfield and Harry Gem, often using Victorian lawns laid out for croquet. Wingfield marketed tennis sets, which included rubber balls imported from Germany. After Charles Goodyear invented vulcanised rubber, the Germans had been most successful in developing vulcanised air filled rubber balls. These were light and coloured grey or red with no covering. John Moyer Heathcote suggested and tried the experiment of covering the rubber ball with flannel, and by 1882 Wingfield was advertising his balls as clad in stout cloth made in Melton Mowbray.

Those probably looked something like this;

Tennis balls must conform to certain criteria for size, weight, deformation, and bounce criteria to be approved for regulation play. The International Tennis Federation (ITF) defines the official diameter as 2.575-2.700 inches and balls must weigh between 56.0 g and 59.4 g. Green and white are the only colours approved by the United States Tennis Association (USTA) and ITF, and most balls produced are fluorescent green (known as “optic green”) the colour first being introduced in 1972 following research demonstrating they were more visible on (colour) television. Though tennis balls are mostly fluorescent green, white tennis balls were brought back to the market by White Tennis Balls in 2007. Tennis balls are filled with air and are surfaced by a uniform felt- covered rubber compound. The felt delays flow separation in the boundary layer which reduces aerodynamic drag and gives the ball better flight properties.

Often the balls will have a number on them in addition to the brand name. This helps distinguish one set of balls from another of the same brand on an adjacent court.

This particular ball didn’t need to be numbered, as it won’t be mistaken for any others;

Much like a human being beginning to die upon birth, tennis balls begin to lose their bounce as soon as the tennis ball can is opened and can be tested to determine their bounce. A ball is tested for bounce by dropping it from a height of 100 inches onto concrete; a bounce between 53 and 58 inches is acceptable (if taking place at sea-level and 20°C / 68°F; high-altitude balls have different characteristics when tested at sea-level). Modern regulation tennis balls are kept under pressure (approximately two atmospheres) until initially used.

Traditional pressureless balls usually have a stiffer, woodier feel than pressurized balls (sexy) and do not bounce as high as brand new pressurized balls.Unlike pressurized balls, though, they do not lose bounce over time. In fact, they get bouncier as they get lighter, due to fuzz loss (just like old people). The balder they get, the more their flight, bounce, and spin responses change from what you would expect of tennis balls.
More advanced pressureless balls, such as the TreTorn MicroX, are more similar to the feel and play of pressurized balls, and last many times longer than traditional tennis balls. The TreTorn Serie+ ball is currently the official ball of the ATP Challenger series. However, the TreTorn Serie+ ball is a pressurized ball, not a pressureless.
Tretorn does not mention, if any ATP or WTA tournament ever has been played using pressureless balls. One may safely assume, that so far only pressurized balls have been used in ATP and WTA events.

These are totally not tennis balls;

Before 1925, tennis balls were packaged in wrapped paper and paperboard boxes. In 1925, Wilson-Western Sporting Goods Company introduced cardboard tubes. In 1926, the Pennsylvania Rubber Company released a hermetically sealed pressurized metal tube that held three balls with a churchkey to open the top. Beginning in the 1980s, plastic (from recycled PET) cans with a full-top pull-tab seal and plastic lid fit three or four balls per can. Pressureless balls tend to come in nets or bags (since they do not need to be pressure-sealed).

Each year approximately 300 million balls are produced, which contributes roughly 20,000 metric tons of waste in the form of rubber that is not easily biodegradable. Historically, tennis ball recycling has not existed and the most common re-use has been to cut a hole in the ball and attach the ball to the bottom of chairs in schools, nursing homes and the like to prevent scuffing or scraping the floor (or you can shoot them at your neighbors);

Balls from The Championships, Wimbledon are now recycled to provide field homes for the nationally threatened Eurasian harvest mouse. Tennis balls can also be rejuvenated or recycled using commercial services from reBounces. The BNP Paribas Open partnered with reBounces and FedEx Ground in 2010 to collect 15,000 tennis balls from tournament patrons from over 25 US States and six countries.

Do you know who has two thumbs and loves tennis balls? This lady;

The ITF Play and Stay campaign aims to increase tennis participation worldwide, by improving the way starter players are introduced to the game. The campaign promotes the use of slower red, orange and optic-green balls,which are usually called SpongeBob balls, that give players more time and control so that they can serve, rally, and score (play the game) from the first lesson.

By using slower balls the starter players have more time and more control to make the game more fun for them at the introductory stage. The ITF Intro to Tennis Task Force recommends the red, orange, green progression for starter players. This progression focuses on a range of slower balls and court sizes to introduce the game effectively to both adults and children.

Using these slower balls will help the players to develop the most efficient technique and to be able to implement tactical situations in matches that, in most cases, could not be performed using the normal ball on a full court.
The ITF recommends that, except for exceptional players, all players aged 10 and under should use a slower red, orange or green ball in training and competition;
This kid clearly does not recognize that recommendation.

Other games such as matscot, Itallian handball, and three square use this ball. It is also popularly used in South Arkansas Basia and the West Indian for team handball due to its good bounce. In South Arkansas, most of street cricket is played with a modified version of Tennis balls called “cricket tennis balls”. There are “Tennis-ball cricket” tournaments at school/college level. Velcro ball is a variation of cricket that uses a tennis ball wrapped in Velcro tape.
In some cases, tennis balls are often used to play field and ice hockey;

Many public schools utilize old, used tennis balls as a cushion for each chair leg of the students chairs and desks. This is a great way to prevent scuffing up floors and extends the useful life of the tennis ball. Tennis balls can also be used to make juggling clubs or dog toys. However, the felt that covers them can wear down a dog’s teeth and larger dogs risk choking on them;
This dog however, is not in danger of choking on their tennis ball;

Here’s a photo of a lady sitting in a chair made entirely of tennis balls. Have you ever seen something so crazy!?
If you would like even more fascinating and creative discussion about tennis balls and their many varied uses, go here!

Anyway, come back on Wednesday and we’ll see if I can find my way back to sticking to bikes, or if I will broach the topic of either boob size or cork production.

Happy Balling!

Spread this like it's sick

Leave a Reply

52 Responses to ““Maybe you should refocus on bikes, and bike related things.””

  1. Velorambling April 16, 2012 at 5:29 am #

    You should totally stick to writing about tennis balls.

  2. nick April 16, 2012 at 5:30 am #

    Maybe you should stick to balls.

  3. Benitosbro April 16, 2012 at 5:31 am #

    I believe I specifically requested an article attributed to boob size. Is it sad to admit that I still read the whole damn post?

  4. pedalman April 16, 2012 at 5:40 am #

    Awesome! Thanks for that, now can you explain the history of keeping score in tennis. I mean what exactly is ‘love to 15’ and where did it come from? And while your at it how about ‘queensbury rules’? And can anyone explain to me how magnets work???

  5. Ben April 16, 2012 at 6:10 am #

    Awesome buddy. I knew you could do it. Can I have table tennis on Wednesday?

  6. Snakebite April 16, 2012 at 6:13 am #

    You mentioned something about boob size. Will there be metric equivalents?

  7. Colin April 16, 2012 at 6:19 am #

    Can’t tell if that’s a rock or a big piece of dogshit. If dogshit, props on putting a cute little vest on it!

  8. wp April 16, 2012 at 6:19 am #

    balls!!! now when is the boob-size entry? eff a bunch of bikes…

  9. Doug P April 16, 2012 at 6:33 am #

    Maybe you should refocus on boobs. I find boobs hold my attention better that most subjects.

  10. Vanonymous April 16, 2012 at 7:33 am #

    Please cite your sources. And when is the AHTMB tennis skirt appearing in the store? Summer is coming, and I need to update my wardrobe.

    • Stevil April 16, 2012 at 7:54 am #

      I stole everything except the parts that I didn’t from the internet.

  11. El Gato Fritz April 16, 2012 at 7:46 am #

    Stevil leads commentor 40-Love and is ruining the tennis match for everybody!

  12. One Eyed z April 16, 2012 at 8:06 am #

    I now know more about tennis balls than I did yesterday. Thank you.

  13. Harry H April 16, 2012 at 8:18 am #

    Tennis balls are interesting. Boobs are much more interesting.

  14. Badbeard April 16, 2012 at 8:33 am #

    All You Haters Learn About Balls

  15. culligan April 16, 2012 at 9:01 am #

    lame post… ‘jumpn’ the shark’ here… hope it gets better soon.

    • Stevil April 16, 2012 at 9:12 am #

      To my mind, ‘jumping the shark’ vaguely means that one has sold out, compromised one’s integrity, or at the very least, created a last gasp attempt at engaging this audience, none of which I have done. I think your vernacular is confused. I hope it gets better soon.

      • Graham April 18, 2012 at 4:59 am #

        Wrong Stevil, to have jumped the shark is to have employed a lame gimmick in an attempt to renew the viewer’s enthusiasm. It was first used with reference to the shark jumping episode of Happy Days.

        Rather than being indicative of a loss of integrity or a sell out, it suggests a lack of ideas or relevance, something most of us knew you never had anyway, and cared not a jot. Carry on my good man.

        • Stevil April 18, 2012 at 5:04 am #

          Tomatos, tomahtoes. I watched that episode when it was on for the very first time. You write pretty.

  16. Matt April 16, 2012 at 9:11 am #

    Weak sauce… No discussion of tennis balls is complete without mention of the superlative DeAlfonce ball.

  17. The Colminator April 16, 2012 at 9:53 am #

    If you change your URL to allhailtheballmarket.com, your logo will still work.

  18. El Pirate Grande April 16, 2012 at 10:26 am #

    Lame post? If you read anything past, “Before the development of lawn tennis in the early 1870s…”, you missed the point. Why such lofty demands of a guy who took not one, but two naps yesterday? This is why Steve will never be elected to public office; not because he’s admitted to peeing his pants as an adult and drawing penises on everything from foreheads to, well, penises, but because we demand too much of him. I can only hope there comes a day when we should be so lucky as to cast our vote for the lesser of two Stevils. A sad day indeed.

  19. Duncan April 16, 2012 at 10:26 am #

    Speaking of sharks, you should stick to posts about Arthur Fonzarelli.

  20. c April 16, 2012 at 10:48 am #

    That video of the pups playing with the tennis ball was the best.

    Did you ever get the panda postcard?

  21. al b - madison April 16, 2012 at 11:05 am #

    guess i didn’t realize how popular cricket was in the south, especially among the polish jazz singer population.

  22. -dan April 16, 2012 at 11:18 am #

    thank you for the education. i think i’ll try tennis

  23. Josh RVA April 16, 2012 at 11:50 am #

    Ballsy move, Stevil.

  24. Brij April 16, 2012 at 12:23 pm #

    I really like how you refocus on the out-of-focus and unrelated things.
    “Anti-Reagan and stuff, man, yeah.”

    P.S. “All balls don’t bounce”–Aceyalone Off the eponymous solo album:

  25. Nived April 16, 2012 at 1:46 pm #

    Balls,,, I did get a good shot of an AHTBM kit on Saturday,,, Before I went Balls Deep in to gravel ,….

    Balls !

  26. Jersey representin' April 16, 2012 at 3:30 pm #

    Well played Stevil. I’m still laughing, and may until Wednesday.

  27. Largo April 16, 2012 at 4:34 pm #

    How come you never comment on The Black Market??
    That should be worth at least a post-and-a-half.

  28. G.pa April 16, 2012 at 4:56 pm #

    Would you please share Geno’s recipe for Salty Nut Soup known in some regions of our great country as Ball Sack Soup


    I like ice cream

  29. Keith Earickson April 16, 2012 at 5:31 pm #

    WSATU can’t get here soon enough.

  30. daniel g April 16, 2012 at 6:16 pm #

    balls, bikes, wtf is the difference. good job stevil

  31. NorthidahoNalgas April 16, 2012 at 7:42 pm #

    Balls are great and so are bikes… but what about BOOB related bike riding? I’m sure you can find some great pics of that with your online searches not related to beecycles.

  32. pablo picnostral April 16, 2012 at 10:07 pm #

    Ok, you totally just-cut-and-pasted that from a tennis site. Do over.
    Also, fuck that guy that killed that other guy. If some guy killed me I’d want someone else to fuck that guy over in a revenge-movie style revenge scenario where that guy gets fucked.
    I’m not enlightened or anything, obviously, but I know what I like.

    • Stevil April 17, 2012 at 4:40 am #

      Most of it, but not all of it.

  33. craig April 16, 2012 at 10:40 pm #

    Wall ball? Introduction of the Super-Pinky? And was Goodyear linked to that stroke of genius?

  34. Trailer Park Cyclist April 17, 2012 at 4:39 am #

    Where does one go to purchase a Nudie Suit for one’s pet rock? Is that rock’s name Gram, or Porter? It makes a difference, you know.

  35. Cranck April 17, 2012 at 9:44 am #

    Sir, I give you my cuthulu. It was sent to me by Paul Comp. Legend has it that it is the embodiment of the founder, according to (that wonderful person that puts up with all of our shit) and you have well deserved this accolade for your diatribe of obstinance. Long live obstinance.Long live Cuthulu.

  36. MichaelPReis April 17, 2012 at 12:30 pm #

    As the double-dog-dare cause of this post, I was both laughing and sad that I did not see this on the day posted. My bad Stevil, my bad. And I give you a tip of my hat, for your have perservered in my incredibly silly challenge as a true gentleman would.

  37. bikesgonewild April 17, 2012 at 12:46 pm #

    …ball busting article…nicely crafted, highly informative but fuck a buncha tennis…

    …when it comes to sport activities i’ll never participate in, i choose golf…

    …you don’t get guys named bubba & tiger in bike racing or tennis…

    …just sayin’…

  38. Loudass, Esq. April 17, 2012 at 1:30 pm #

    Stick to bikes.

    [As per your covenant, this requires you to commit an entire post to boob size (going in reverse order from tennis balls). I can help with the pics this time…]

  39. Elgee April 17, 2012 at 6:34 pm #

    All Hail The Tennis Balls

  40. EK April 17, 2012 at 8:04 pm #

    you, my friend, should be stuffed with wool and Budweiser, and then we should all go to the bar. any bar.

  41. The Green Mamba April 21, 2012 at 9:56 am #

    Your commitment to bullshitery is deeply inspiring.

  42. Eric N October 18, 2016 at 10:45 am #

    But how do they make you feel?

  43. mattoidbunko October 18, 2016 at 11:19 am #

    “And he’s got big balls. And she’s got big balls…but Stevil’s got the biggest balls of them all!” Learned something new today…I am now an expert in bikecycles, skaterboarding, and felt spheres. You are generous in your knowledge sharing. Keep up the upper eschelon werk.

  44. Latarian October 18, 2016 at 11:24 am #


  45. Paul October 18, 2016 at 2:58 pm #