Heaven above, Hell below.

I’m back from another recent commute to the great beyond with another three to four tales to amuse and delight.

As we embark on today’s effort, I feel the need to make a declaration…

Oh, and just so we’re clear, there will be no April Foolery today. After this post, I don’t dare to try and top it.

I was cleaning up that mess for weeks, so with Dog as my witness, all that you are about to read, to the best of my knowledge is true and factual.

No fooling.

Hey, so welcome to the seven hundred and first post of AHTBM. As I was doing a little house cleaning while fussing around the backend recently, I came across the following video which I had set up to be one for the weekend about a year and a half ago, or some nonsense.

It’s a feel good ditty about a person, his fears and a GoPro;

As the parental cautionary example goes, ‘if your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Clearly, the answer almost always should be yes.

On Saturday I sat down at my desk, and I got onto the Facebook as I do sometimes to send a message to a friend regarding a various matter of which I dare not speak due to the fact that it would cause you to fall asleep.

The friend who I used it to message was Crandall from FBM, or ‘Fiercely Beautiful Men‘ to those on the inside. Anyway, one image that I found there caught my attention, and made one third of my mouth make what most closely resembled a smile;

Strange as it may be, this photo speaks volumes about what much of my life is like.
I wish my life could be summed up by a majority if what’s depicted there, but as it stands, most of what I have is just the bunny ears, and internal scar tissue.

Still, I guess it’s better than nothing at all.

Then, returning to my actual email machine, what should I find but a correspondence from Shane illutsrating just exactly why I have been going to the gym these last many months;

My new vodka diet and 800 jigguhwhut?! workout has been great!
While everything about that image is disturbing, the thing that is most unsettling to me currently is the half of a chair on the right.

I also can’t help but wonder what his record collection looks like.

Then, from Brent I got more of the same, but different;

Ya heard?

Redneck love festival down in Alabama.
Skyway Epic, 60 miles, 6,000′. Single track, forest road jeep trail. May 19th.

I hadn’t… Perhaps you had. But either way, now we all have.

And another thing we could all do with a little more in our life of was an item I found on a Tumblr page of one Wenchy McWench about a trend called pacing ‘suspended orders’.

She writes;

We enter a little coffeehouse with a friend of mine and give our order. While we’re aproaching our table two people come in and they go to the counter:
‘Five coffees, please. Two of them for us and three suspended’ They pay for their order, take the two and leave.

I ask my friend: “What are those ‘suspended’ coffees?”
My friend: “Wait for it and you will see.”

Some more people enter. Two girls ask for one coffee each, pay and go. The next order was for seven coffees and it was made by three lawyers – three for them and four ‘suspended’. While I still wonder what’s the deal with those ‘suspended’ coffees I enjoy the sunny weather and the beautiful view towards the square infront of the café. Suddenly a man dressed in shabby clothes who looks like a beggar comes in throught the door and kindly asks
‘Do you have a suspended coffee?’
It’s simple – people pay in advance for a coffee meant for someone who can not afford a warm bevarage. The tradition with the suspended coffees started in Naples, but it has spread all over the world and in some places you can order not only a suspended coffee, but also a sandwich or a whole meal.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have such cafés or even grocery stores in every town where the less fortunate will find hope and support? If you own a business why don’t you offer it to your clients? I am sure many of them will like it.

This is a trend I can get behind, and will engage in it more frequently now that I have a name for it.

A fun variation of this is to pay people’s bridge tolls, and when they inevitably drive up next to you and offer a wave of thanks, you flip them off.

It makes you feel good in two ways.

In news of television stars hitting rock bottom, (because face it… Why else do you come to this website?) -things for former C.S.I star Gary Dourdan have gotten so rough that he now has to ride a bicycle to get around;

Oh, the humanity.

Dude can afford a gold Incredibell, so things can’t be that bad.

In other news of living out of a dumpster, just a shade over a decade ago, I retrieved a half-assed plywood bench out of the trash of a former employer. I used it, loved it, moved twice with it, and spilled an array of lubes and solvents on it. For the last year I’ve been neck deep in a refurbishing project on my new property, and in the process retrieved an even nicer piece of furniture destined for the scrap yard which I just replaced the old beast with;
As you can plainly see, it even has a drawer.

A drawer?

Am I the queen of England or George Clooney or something? I must be dreaming.

It sure ain’t Hell, so this must be what Heaven feels like.

Spread this like it's sick

Leave a Reply

10 Responses to “Heaven above, Hell below.”

  1. paul April 1, 2013 at 4:53 am #

    Door reflection fotobomb? That girl must be a ninja.

  2. pedalman April 1, 2013 at 6:35 am #

    They say that life’s a carousel
    spinning fast, you’ve got to ride it well
    the world is full of kings and queens
    who blind your eye’s then steal your dreams

  3. Ghostship Matt April 1, 2013 at 7:50 pm #

    Honored that you’ve got a Gship sticker up on that beast. For really reals. Thank you.

  4. nowheels April 1, 2013 at 8:07 pm #

    I’m in full agreement of the “half-chair” conundrum.

  5. hurltron 5000 April 1, 2013 at 8:13 pm #

    I spy ‘Gun Club’ and #countryclub…

  6. Duncan April 1, 2013 at 9:36 pm #

    Gary Dourdan? What kind of scam is this? That’s clearly Big Dave.

  7. trama April 2, 2013 at 9:44 am #

    your stem is too long

  8. reverend dick April 3, 2013 at 7:54 am #

    I laughed aloud at he thought of flipping off the person attempting to thank you for the bridge toll payment.

    I don’t care who you are, that’s funny.

  9. bertleman April 3, 2013 at 6:58 pm #

    Love the Suspended coffee. Panera has a bunch of “name your own price” cafes in the Detroit area, and now has a name your own price item on almost 50 cafes in the St. Louis area…here is a link http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2013-03-28/panera-bread-serves-up-a-name-your-price-chili