All of this is potentially beginning to make sense to someone.

But currently, it’s not me.

You bet indeed… During the last installment, we’d just finished up in Beaver Creek, Colorado as Janier Alexis Acevedo had put the smack down on everybody in the Pro Challenge’s fourth stage. Or maybe it was the fifth stage…. I can’t actually remember at this point.

The elevation and the carousing have lead to a swift undoing of me.

I’d like to show photos of the amazing trail run I had while Beaver Creek, where I coined the term ‘dirtbag trail running’, which basically consists of going out in whatever clothes you happen to be wearing, which would lead any casual observers to believe you were running from the cops.

I saw amazing vistas and sweet little sleepy foxes, none of which I took pictures of because my camera was not where I was.

In light of that, we’ll simply continue from Beaver Creek’s departure.

Time was getting away from us and before my traveling companion Roger and I broke camp for Vail and the day’s time trial, I snapped a quick shot of a pile of papers laying on the bed;
He’s got something brewing.

For those not familiar with Colorado’s geography, Vail is a short stone’s throw from Beaver Creek, so we hopped over our new digs, dropped our stuff, and I parted ways with my companions to pay a visit to this guy;
His name is Michael, and along with his partner Eric Wuppermann, (who if you’re a food nerd is apparently some kinda superstar, mega baller), together they opened a restaurant in West Vail called Yellowbelly Chicken, with another set to open in Boulder wheretheytakecyclocrossseriously in the coming weeks.

Unfortunately I am not a food nerd, but I know what I like, and in fact, I liked what I ate there so much, I did twice in a single day. Ifin you reside on the Front Range, and you enjoy filling your face with goodness, keep your eyes peeled for this restaurant.

Tell them I sent you and probably nothing will happen.

The TT was about to begin, so with my belly full of yellow, I turned tail and skedaddled to the start where I shot 1000 photos, one of which wasn’t horrible;
As it turns out, I have no idea who this was because at this point, I was simply trying to get anyone within the shot.

Most of the photos looked exactly like this one I took of Fred Rodriguez;
At least I think that was him.

He’s real fast.

And Vailites went apeshit for the day’s events;
When the dust settled, Tejay van Garderen took top honors with Andrew Talansky in second and American Tom Danielson rounding it out in third.

Of course, who cares about that? You can read about the race on a bikecycle website.

You wanna know about the meeting up with some friends and going bowling at this place;
Obviously is called ‘Bōl ‘, and it might be one of the most pretentious places I’ve even been.
If you’ve ever had the pleasure of flying aboard Virgin Airlines, it was like that, but with more beautiful people. Seriously… I wanted to sleep with like, 98% of the people in the room, which is up 97% from an average bowling alley.

Bailing out of there with a multi-hundred dollar bill, we opted for a few more drinks at a local’s joint, where I met a girl who sounded like Fran Drescher, but with a higher pitched voice, and very nearly inspired me to dig my own ears out of my head with a rusty spoon. It was then I realized it was high time to melt into the darkness.

Of course no darkness-melting can ever occur without getting shaken down by the cops, and one young blond sociopath who had it out for me in particular. I suppose I could go into detail about the sordid events but the short version is that the Vail P.D. can eat a mile of dick. It’s been thirteen years since I vowed never to set foot in that retched town again, and it will hopefully will be at least twice that many before I fool-heartedly repeat that vow.

After sleeping for a full ninety minutes, we were on the road again, en route to Ft. Collins and the conclusion of stage six, which promised to make or break the G.C.

At the top of the final hill they call Bingham, we gave out gallons of beer and acted a fool to the nth degree;
Finally after a whole lotta hours of waiting, the lead group motored past, and I captured what is possibly the finest bit of race photography ever known to the history of both man and womankind;
After the racerings passed by, we still had a slew of New Belgium Beererey cruiser bikes to hand out to lucky winners of whatever contest team leader Michael Bussmann conceived of, most of which involved a basketball;
-And some very happy winners.
We loaded up the whip, said goodbye to new and old friends, and kicked ourselves to the New Belgium headquarters where a gigantic bash was already in full swing.

While the commoners got the basic tour, I got the super secret V.I.P. tour to the tops of the tanks with Melyssa and Todd;
After taking in the view, and sampling some of New Belgium’s craft, news came down that Cannondale’s Peter Sagan punched a hole in the sky with a punishing win over Argos-Shimano’s Luka Mezgec in second and Belglandian Greg Van Avermaet in third;

I concluded being awake for nearly 48 hours with a night cap alongside the Jelly Belly team managers, and my very dear friend and career soigneur, Larry Foss;
(Pictured here actually working and not holding up a bar stool.)

At long last I dragged myself to bed and slept the sleep of the innocent.

It wasn’t until waking up the following day that I realized in my delirium, I’d bought this;
When does this type of lifestyle actually start to become destructive?

I’d figure around day eight.

Come back on Wednesday for the final installment of the New Belgium/AHTBM/Amy Sheridan/Roger Lootine World Tour, or what is alternatively titled, ‘What To Do In Denver When You’re Dead‘.

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15 Responses to “All of this is potentially beginning to make sense to someone.”

  1. John August 26, 2013 at 5:14 am #

    I’ve come to appreciate that if you want to watch a bike race you should probably do it via television if you want to see anything at all. But the party around the bike race might actually be worth attending.

  2. knuckler August 26, 2013 at 5:57 am #

    Your Fred Rodríguez photo really captures what it’s like to be at a pro road race.

  3. Larry Grossman August 26, 2013 at 6:22 am #

    FRIEDBERG! You can retire now. You made it to the hallowed pages of “HAIL”. Yellowbelly sales will now increase billions fold.

    • pedalman August 26, 2013 at 2:40 pm #

      Hey wait a minute, I think I know that guy. He’s a pretty good bike rider, talented artist and advanced intermediate skier. But I think I saw him on AHTBM (or HTATBL) before doing something lewd to a dog.???

  4. Jeff August 26, 2013 at 6:36 am #

    Should you ever see Alyssa (that woman standing behind The Fantastic Mr. Foss) again, figure out where the karaoke is happening. I promise.

  5. Mark B August 26, 2013 at 6:50 am #

    Like the Bol Description. Spot on!

  6. El Gato August 26, 2013 at 8:53 am #

    You do not mention the price you paid for you sweater…was it your soul? Is there going to be a bumper sticker that says “Stevil went to hell and all I got was this lousy sweater?”

    • Stevil August 26, 2013 at 9:10 am #

      If Hell is anything like Vail, I repent for everything, forever.

  7. Jon Palmer August 26, 2013 at 9:26 am #

    How much do you want for that sweater? I live in a ski town now and need one to wear to fancy christmas sweater parties.

  8. Andy August 26, 2013 at 9:46 am #

    Vail is the absolute worst. I’m glad you had the same impression of that heinous boling alley. Some former friends made me go there once. I can also say that some current friends and I enjoyed the hell out of some chicken at yellowbelly this summer. The bro came at us with maybe the hardest sell I’ve ever encountered, and ultimately lead us astray. There were some delicious beets that he repeatedly warned us against bringing “nah, you don’t want loose beets on the river, bro,” and he sold us on some delicious sounding fried potatoes that turned out to be just oily and poorly cooked. Lesson: always take loose beets over insipid spuds. The chicken was pretty good too.

    I look forward to the next installment of this race reporterage. Denver was fun; we shotgunned fat tires at some corner of the race and then I fell off my bike on the way home.

  9. ian August 26, 2013 at 7:32 pm #

    Sleepy ‘foxes’ at ‘beaver creek,’ eh? Sounds lewd.

  10. JP August 26, 2013 at 9:11 pm #

    Was that Bradley Wiggins of team Sky riding by???
    You posted about him a while back throwing his bike

  11. j August 27, 2013 at 1:59 am #

    Along with being a completely rubbish but enthusiastic bikecyclist, I am a mediocre but enthusiastic knitter … and on seeing that jumper I forgot everything I just read, cos that yoke/shoulder construction is fairly interesting. Ugly, yes, but fairly excellent

  12. Matt August 28, 2013 at 1:52 pm #

    Please give some pointers on how to acquire one of those sweaters.

  13. Ben September 3, 2013 at 6:21 am #

    In these parts it’s known as “Vile”. Just stay away. Really.