‘Keep Cross(es) Inverted’ or ‘Don’t Forget To Tip Your Waiter’.

After Friday’s AOS feature, it’s only fair that I start up both engines and deliver another heaping helping of mediocrity that you’ve come to expect;

First up, in response to all them shenanigans at Cross Vegas this year, Jeff from All City Cycles has made a pledge to differentiate between what it means to ‘keep cross weird’, and just plainly, either being an asshole, or celebrating the acts of those who are.

You feel that? That’s the sensation of the tide potentially turning.

And to assist in promoting this reminder, they’ve gone so far as to launch a line of goods emblazoned with that very sentiment;
I suggested including a hang tag on all of the items in question saying that if they misconstrued these words, their scarves, shirts, what have you would strangle them to the floor in a whimpering heap, but appareltly they were working against the clock, and that couldn’t be done.

So like my grandpa always (would have) always said “better to have your head in the game (or, in this case- the All City store), than in your ass.”

Alright- Now it’s with quite a bit of excitement that I roll out this next bit of information which I lightly hinted at last week. Adam from KindHuman contacted me a handful of weeks ago with a vague outline of a sort of contest he wanted to run. After batting a bunch of emails back and forth, what we finally came up with is the following final draft;

Dear AHTBM Community Of Wizards And Minions-

Lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to decide what my next new bike should be. It will be a road bike, it will be steel, it will fit big tires, it will be our handmade in the USA, Klassic design. I know I wanted something unique. Something that nobody else has, but I can’t make up my mind as to what it should look like. I know the AHTBM community ​has some pretty damn creative people involved and I want them to design my new bike;
Since our company is all about supporting the growth of cycling through our sales, by funding the next generation of cyclists and cyclists in need of help – I want to do more than just walk away with my own personal rideable piece of art. That’s kind of selfish, right? So, KindHuman and AHTBM are going to be buying another bike, this one will be up for raffle and proceeds will directly benefit the KindHuman Cycling Scholarship. The raffle winner will receive their choice of a Klassic road;
or Springbok cross frame;
-in their preferred size, designed by the AHTBM readers, a totally unique bike, that nobody else has.

For a limited time, you, gentle readers will have the chance to purchase this unique bike, designed by your fellow readers, that nobody else has (except the raffle winner, *the designer, and me) in their choice of the Klassic road or Springbok cross models.

We are good friends with the team at Ruckus Composites and together we have some exciting new projects in the works. They not only make some of the finest carbon fabrications in the world but they have a very talented painter who has stepped up to donate his time and talents to bring this KindHuman / AHTBM creation to life.

We will be accepting designs until October 31, designs can be sent to Stevil(at)allhailtheblackmarket(dot)com or to Adam at markadam(at)kindhuman(dot)cc. Stevil, KindHuman and Ruckus will review the initial designs and make a selection. Then we will let the AHTBM readers vote for their favorite design. You will pick the winner.

The only criterion for the design should be that the bike feature our handmade, white brass head-badge and some variation of the KindHuman logo on the down-tube or top-tube.

This is a great chance for your readers to design something great, something that “nobody else has” and something that can give back to this great sport, recreation and hobby that we all love so much.

Learn more about this awesome collaboration at www(dot)KindHuman(dot)cc(backslash)AHTBM.

Also, here is the link for the design template, should you want to create something fun…

*The designer will have the opportunity to purchase the bike at whatever our cost ends up being bike.

Your friend and fellow minion,

It’s wordy I know, and we tried to convey the meat of the matter in as few words as possible. If by chance you’re like me and have no concept of how to do anything on a computer aside from searching for images of kittens in teacups or to Photoshop your friend’s heads on the bodies of musclemen, we’ll happily review scans of hand drawn designs as well. So one and all, get cracking and do what you do. The future belongs to no one but us.

Moving on to other items of potential interest-

For those in the Bay Area who like riding dirt bikes, and/or drinking beer, and/or burning wood, and/or sleeping on the ground, in celebration of summer not quite being over, the Meet Your Maker(ers) have got a brand new event brewing;
(Which may or may not result in looking similar to either of the following scenarios);
Curious thing is because we here in the Bay Area aren’t exactly set up in the same way Minneapolis is, for years I’ve been mulling over in my head how to go about doing an event, ala Homie Fall Fest in this area. The best thing I could figure was to pull it off in China Camp, but because it kept becoming a logistical quagmire, I (as I am wont to do) repeatedly gave up. It seems all I needed to do was wait for the big brains at Paragon Machine Works to do it for me.

Now finally in closing, and speaking of Paragon Machine Works, Coach Bobo made contact with a heads up about some stuff and things;

Yo Stevil-

Quick favor to ask. PMW is doing a little promotion to help raise awareness and funds for NICA. All proceeds from their promo items sold this month go to NICA and with one week remaining, I am hoping we bring some more attention to the sale. Might you spread the word? All the details are Paragon Machine Works.


So there are three links to Paragon in like, as many inches of post. The long and the short of it is that they are donating 100% of the money from promo goods sold to the high school mountain bike league.

This means, you can put a shirt on your back, a hat on your head, or a bottle opener on your bottle;
By getting some of these goods, not only are you upping your own credibility, but you’re helping a bunch of kids continue to learn the importance of the all mighty bicycle.

Personally, I can take or leave the meh, but I’m inclined to ask my waiter for a double serving of that.

Spread this like it's sick

Leave a Reply

4 Responses to “‘Keep Cross(es) Inverted’ or ‘Don’t Forget To Tip Your Waiter’.

  1. Jan! September 29, 2014 at 3:18 am #

    As a native Dutch speaker, “kunst maken, kunst rigen” looks recognisable, apart from the non-existent “rigen”. Was that a machine translation, reverse Dunglish, or a deliberate error to throw off people like me?

    • Stevil September 29, 2014 at 6:05 am #

      Good Eye. We had none other than Joe Parkin (Has Nice Hair) assist us with the Flemish, was awesome. Until we had all the copy done, and he texted me back a few days later with the correction. We decided to chalk it up to artistic license.

      • Adam September 29, 2014 at 6:13 am #

        Make Art, Misspell Words with liberty.

  2. Bobo Clown September 29, 2014 at 6:49 am #

    AHTBM!!! Thanks for calling attention to the generosity of Paragon and our work to get #morekidsonbikes!