“Tight like butt and underwear.”
When describing my relationship with my poor little toothless hobo cat, on a few recent occasions Demonika has used this this turn of phrase, which up until that time I’d not heard before.
In fact, for some time I thought she was saying ‘button underwear‘, which didn’t really make any sense to me either so I just rolled with it.
But when I finally understood what she was saying, the picture was made clear. I like random and sometimes regional turns of phrase like this. One I recall my dad using with some frequency was when noting an individual’s unappealing looks and saying “that boy’s ugly as a mud fence“.
Having no idea what a mud fence was, or how ugly it may or may not be, I took these phrases in stride and eventually became quite enamored with them.
When I got older, regional dialect became pretty fascinating to me but not to a degree to actually learn anything about them.
(Not enough sense to) pound sand down a rathole, cain’t never could, squeeze a quarter so tight the eagle screams, and fair to middlin‘, or my personal favorite ‘(they’re) so dumb they couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel‘, are all phrases that all come to mind.
Some might say I’m a cunning linguist.
Where all of this comes from, I can’t say. Some dusty corner of my mind or another, because that’s what happening when I wake up at 4:00 in the morning to feed previously mentioned poor little toothless hobo cat.
Say- so in this post from last month I spilled the beans about the fact that I’ve turned AHTBM into a bonafied record label with the upcoming release of Who Rides The Tiger’s ‘Transylvania Baby’;
What with hundreds of copies of black, 180 gram amazingness coming down the pipe, I decided that it would only be right to order up a run of custom, and in my opinion, pretty damn cool turntable mats;
This is the first new product I’ve released in some time due to the fact that I’ve invested everything I had into the record, but I’m plenty excited to at least be able to replace my twenty year old, and fairly haggard Boss Hog mat that came with their third record;
Like I’ve said before- I only make product I want, and then hope I can convince enough other people that they’d like one as well.
If you yourself would like a snappy branded turntable mat on which to rest your beloved wax slabs, I have them for the low, low price of just eight bucks a pop, and alls you have to do is go here.
In news of nice weather, and snagging the opportunity to sleep beneath the stars, Alexis from Huckleberry Bicycles made with the contact to let us know that they have an instructional on just that very thing brewing directly;
It’s Alexis again from Huckleberry Bicycles.
We are having an Intro to bike camping event next week any chance you could put out a thread about it on your social media outlets;
I think the short version would go like this-
“Put a sleeping bag, some food, rope, tools, knife, water, beer, and a flashlight in your bag, get on your bike, and ride to a place where you can sleep without being eaten my a mountain lion, or beat up for your shoes by an aggressive transient.”
I’m sure that Huckleberry will offer a slightly more detailed version, but armed with my wisdom as a foundation, there’s no way you can lose.
Lastly, from DPow! of Portland Design Works we get a video clip of a live musical performance featuring ATDI, shortly before they imploded and turned into Defacto, Sparta, The Mars Volta, as well as others.
His introduction is like so;
This is probably my favorite live performance of anything ever on Youtube. Right before ATDI broke up, you can feel the tension;
You can also see the Iggy Pop, Fugazi and MC5 influences clearer than ever. SO GOOD.
I’ve seen that clip a number of times before, and each time am no less mesmerized. They had a power and a fury that has rarely been controlled by nearly any other band in history;
And they were so, so tight.
I only wish there was a phrase that addequitely described just how so.
Oooooof. Man. Sadly, totally needed reminding how foot ATDI was. Very, very, very good is the answer.
Colloquialisms are great. Some of my favs: “I’m fucking this mule, you’re just holding its head.” “Hotter than two squirrels making love in a wool sock” and my fav from my stepfather, “___ is crazier than a shithouse rat.”
“I think it is a very, very sad day when the only way you can express yourself is through slam dancing”
When telling me to go play in the rain (and most likely get out of his hair) my grandfather would tell me to go run between the raindrops. Or… my favorite “Shit don’t melt it just gets squishy”.
“Dumber than a bag of hammers.”
Can I get the little donut hole that got poked out of the turntable mat included? Because I don’t have a turntable, but I’m desperately in need of a new mouse pad.
I like similar colloquialisms from different regions. I grew up in farm country and heard “even an old blind sow finds an acorn once in a while”. Then one day a friend from Long Island drops this on me “even a blind man finds a nickle once in a while”. Guess they don’t have many blind sows on Long Island
“That ol’ boy is so ugly, it looks like he got in a chain saw fight…..and his wouldn’t start!” – big Joe.
“I don’t need to be kicked by a horse twice to know I didn’t like it the first time.” -Grandpa Joe Case
some of my favorites are already listed. I’d like to add….
-Hardrn Japanese math
-hardrn woodpecker lips.
-tighter than a gnats ass stretched over a rainbarrel
-neatern snuff but half as dusty
-slicker than dogshit on wet grass.
…..that’s all I got for now.
go easy on my grammar. We’re helpless here in the south.
“Pretty cage, no bird.” Sexist, I know, but oh so true.
More confused than a whore in church.” “Hotter than Ft. Dodge.” ,”tighter than a Boy Scout.”, and “He would bitch if you hung him with a new rope.” Are. Few of my favorites I have collected from my travels. By the way you really should write a post about your cat.
A favourite downunder saying that expresses the need to get down to business: “We’re not here to fuck spiders”
“Its raining harder than a double cunted cow pissin on a flat rock.”
“Watching them work is like watching two monkeys fuck a football. Lotta action, not much gettin done.”
He wouldn’t piss on me, if was on fire!!
Overheard my stepdad talking about me
Just heard this the past week “the muddier the field, the stronger the bull”
And one of my favorites
– nuttier than squirrel turds
If ya got a bucket of shit to eat there’s no use nibblin’
With thanks to Matt’s grampa…
That’s the way it sometimes goes, first your money then your clothes.
That door’s only got so many opens and shuts.
She’s so ugly, she’d make a train take a dirt road.
My 82-year-old dad grew up in Southeastern CO during the Depression. Every once in a while he’ll say “My Grandad used to say…”
Best one I can remember from my 19th Century Great Grandfather:
“That’s about as convenient as shittin’ in bed.”
Another favorite that came from dunno where:
“Hotter than a three-balled tomcat.”
My buddy Steve’s Gramma use to say, “he’s a good Christian boy, he wouldn’t say shit if he had a mouth full of it.”
Wow, best (overall) comments on AHTBM I remember…
When something was really good my grandad used to say, “Now that’s slappin’ a fat hog on the ass.”