Feet first into oblivion.

See, this guy is a Viking warrior. His mere image strikes fear and respect into the hearts of men.

Brendan, who is striving to become Australia’s cyclist of the year is obviously cut from the same cloth.
“hey stevil,
because i’m a bigger fan than anyone of throwing a spanner into the ‘fancy important pro cyclist’ works, i’m encouraging people to vote me the australian 2009 people’s choice cyclist of the year. i’d love it if you could throw the following spiel up on your website:
“Vote 1, Brendan Bailey, for the Scody 2009 People’s Choice Australian Cyclist of the Year.”
Because Stuart O’Grady and Cadel Evans have already won enough awards. Because the cyclist of the year shouldn’t be some pro who you never see battling into the wind on the way home from work. Because I’m an aging fixie punk with bad tattoos and questionable personal hygene. Because I like going to fancy dinners. Because “People’s Choice” should mean “One of the People”. And if I’m nothing else, I’m definitely a person!
You don’t have to be a cyclist to vote, just an Australian resident. Nominations close this Friday 30th October.
Here’s the link.
If i get to go to the dinner, i will mail you a steak.

I was looking at this site’s analytics yesterday and I saw that there is quite a number of folks in Australia who tune into this thing. Please, for all that’s good and right in this world, spread the word, and vote for Brendan.
I mean, it would be sweet to have ‘Joe Everyman’ end up as the Australian Cyclist of The year and all, but really, I just want that steak.
Robert sent an email to both Brad from Urban Velo and me about an upcoming bash he’s got cooking out in Virginny;
“Hey, Stevil & Brad. Here’s another Halloween race to promote on the interwebs. Sponsored by Nobody. Because it’s Norfolk, VA.
scaredy cat 2009.jpg
But still last year’s was fun, and 1st Place gets the Stanley Cup of Fake Severed Legs signed by Chuck Palahniuk.
Thanks a bunch, and ride safe,
– kurtz”

Of course you all know that the single speed cyclocross bicycle athletic endeavor is right around the corner, and I may have mentioned that Captain Dave pooled his resources to get me a plane ticket. As I expressed to him in an email, after four weeks of injury, and illness, my performance is sure to underwhelm, to which he responded;
“I doubt it. Have you seen my fat fuck of a self lately? Whoo….
I ate an 1/8 of shrooms by myself last Saturday with about 8 teammates and spent a lot of money at the a-crop. That fucking hurt.
Fitness is my enemy right now.”

As I said to him, everybody has their own kind of training. While we might not be the fastest team in attendance this year, we will most assuredly have more indecent exposure, and assault and battery charges filed against us by the weekend’s conclusion than anyone else, and that’s not gonna suck..
Meanwhile, the beer hand down is continuing to gain momentum as proven by Lincoln’s super honch Mark and his recent transmission;
“Hey Stevil,
I think you emailed me a while back. Interbike, I think I missed all the fun stuff. Anyway, I gave the hand down a try, I think I need more practice, but there’s mass potential. I’ve attached the grab, the toss and the catch.
The Grab:
The Toss:
The Catch:
The skill of one Lucas Marshall is quite amazing. Some good pics of Woodman dominating the barriers.
Hope all is well,

I feel like a proud step-father. Though it wasn’t my conception, I’ve have used this vehicle to spread the word of Dave’s bastard child. I plan on doing many, many more in my life time.
No matter how short that life time might be.
By the way, the auction for that drawing I did of the first hand down has gone up to 40 bucks.
Racked with guilt, I’ve decided to donate the money to the Santa Cruz SPCA, because they are doing incredible things for abandoned and abused little animals, and are woefully underfunded, so regardless of how much I’d like to take the money and buy a bunch of Zimas with which drown my sorrows, there are some innocent fuzzy buddies who need the dough more than I do.

The auction will end at 4:00 pm West Coast time on Thursday the 29th of October. If you’re serious, send me an email by then, and I’ll ship it off directly.
Finally, Here’s one I got from Duncan.
Please check all compulsive masturbation jokes at the door.
Oh.. At the 11th hour of this post, I got a plea from my homie Kim. She not only is designing the AHTBM kits, but she has her fingers in a million other pies to boot. One of which is a colabo between Road ID and the GranFondo ride. (Fondo, not fondue, remember.);
So here’s Kim’s scoop;
“I’m sure you’ve seen my twitters and posts about this Road ID thing that’s going down tomorrow? any chance you could pimp that on your next post? it’s a 38 hour offer, starting tomorrow morning at 7am PST, wherein Road ID will give 100% of their proceeds to the GranFondo, plus buyers get 10% off their order. gots to use the code “PCLEVI” at Road ID(dot)com.
My personal bit? Even though Road ID was everywhere around me during GranFondo production, I hadn’t exactly hurried to go buy one. You know, it was easy to procrastinate, didn’t seem like I really needed it, kinda nerdy, whatever. And then, two weeks ago, on a Hilljillys ride, one of my girls rolled off a rock drop she didn’t know was there and took the entire endo impact on her face. Her bell was rung good. So good, in fact, that she was asking the same questions over and over, and we got onto 911 for assistance with a quickness. But here’s the thing: she was so disoriented that she couldn’t remember her husband’s phone number, and she didn’t have her cell phone with her (though even if she had, I couldn’t get into her camelbak or jersey pockets without moving her), so I went home and bought a Road ID because, man, if my buddies–or strangers–have to load me into an ambulance, I sure as hell hope someone can give my loved ones a call and let them know.”

So there you go. If you’re not like me, and have all of my emergency contact info tattooed on your neck, this isn’t a bad thing to ride with- plus, some of the proceeds go to help out the cause.
Not a bad deal.
That’s it for me, now. I’m outta here, Vladimir..
Catch you Friday.

Spread this like it's sick

Leave a Reply

15 Responses to “Feet first into oblivion.”

  1. Gypsy the Punk October 27, 2009 at 9:51 pm #

    Killing weed is no laughing matter. What did weed ever do to you? Bad Stevil. Bad Stevil…

  2. Crofoot October 27, 2009 at 10:06 pm #

    Is that your first foray into the Trailer Park Boys videos?
    I have a warm and fuzzy liking to the Closer to the Heart episode with Alex of Rush.

  3. James October 27, 2009 at 10:50 pm #

    Brendan’s shameless self promotion knows no boundaries of state or country. What started as a snigger has developed into a fervant desire to see him win. Vote for Brendan!

  4. Bjorn October 27, 2009 at 10:56 pm #

    I’ve voted for Brendan. Represent for us cyclists with bad tattoos and questionable personal hygiene.

  5. Crank October 28, 2009 at 6:07 am #

    It took me awhile to figure out where I knew Mathias from. In my younger days, I worked as a fisherman on day boats out of San Diego, and there was a young boy who apprenticed. His job was to put bait on the hooks for the fishermen, and let me tell you, when we got a feeding frenzy going, his job was hot and heavy. He stayed with us for about two years, and then just disappeared one day. Too bad, he was just about to be promoted to master baiter position.

  6. samh October 28, 2009 at 8:37 am #

    Your blog never ceases to amaze. How you ever managed to write a cycling blog and drop mention of Zima in it is beyond me.

  7. sean Hurl October 28, 2009 at 9:52 am #

    I know you don’t participate in a whole lot of T V time. I on the other hand love T V. I just hate what it offers me in the form of entertainment. The Queen mother of exceptions to this Is The Trailer Park Boys. It’s nice to see the greatest show ever make it on the greatest blog ever. Sorry I missed you at bike crank we are having car problems.

  8. cockleburr October 28, 2009 at 10:25 am #

    That bier hand down is staged! Where are the spectators? Or anybody for that matter.

  9. Pinto October 28, 2009 at 11:08 am #

    Yeah, Steve. What’s with the Zima bullshit? Is all that Budweiser-sweater wearin’ just for show?!?!? (as an aside, did you know that Smirnoff Ice™ is like Zima™ for men?)

  10. Dave October 28, 2009 at 11:31 am #

    The Hand Down (my pants) is a beauty.
    Bubbles is a fackin’ beaute, too!

  11. kurtz October 28, 2009 at 1:24 pm #

    thanks for the promo. duplicate of prize for Least Appropriate Costume will be mailed to you.
    – k

  12. single_speeder October 28, 2009 at 2:52 pm #

    The hand down was the real deal, check the Lucas Marshall link, there are other pics of the race. Long spread out course.

  13. davidio October 28, 2009 at 10:24 pm #

    FYI – the “a-crop” that Capt. Dave mentions (must be a distant relative of mine) is the Acropolis, one of the best (read: cheapest) peeler bars here in Portlandistan. To paint the picture more clearly, they are known locally more for their steaks they serve than the other white meat up on stage.

  14. The Skipper October 29, 2009 at 12:45 pm #


  15. SM October 29, 2009 at 3:02 pm #

    That Viking has kankles.