Life’s funny sometimes.
The trick is figuring out how to find humor in it.
When last we were together I was just about to pull up stakes with Geno, and bail on out of Colorado for points east. I’d just concluded waxing poetically about how a person couldn’t love their partner enough for two people, and how I was out in the world in an attempt at learning how to love myself, for both the benefit of myself, as well as her.
There have been some abrupt and sweeping changes in my reality in the week since, which leaves me further in the wind than ever. Do I impulsively shutter this entire site, and get a job rolling pizza dough in the mountains of Colorado for the rest of my life? Do I declare my love to the road, and drive until the wheels fall off? Do I continue to distract myself until I suddenly am no longer grieving the loss of everything I thought was? To be honest, (and I think at this point, I can be), I’ve not felt both so untethered, while simultaneously brokenhearted.
I’m in the throes of uncharted waters, and as turbulent as they may be, I feel a sense of pride in that my go-to is neither self harm, or self-deprecation. Pardon my language, but it’s been a fucked up road to get here, and though every day is a battle to keep one foot in front of the other, so far they’re both above the dirt, and as far as victories go, I’m holding on to this one with both hands.
Having said that, as the days pass by, at least there’s still visual fodder to document, and the continuing drive to pour a full beer over the head of both Mrs. and Mr. America;
So now what? Honestly, I have no idea. Take things one breath at a time, then hour, then day, and perhaps eventually I’ll be back upright, and maybe even able to laugh.
Great photos, and an epic if not heartbreaking impetus for this trip… I think you are in everyone’s thoughts that reads these posts and loves your site and what you bring to the cycling/art/good human portion of our world. There’s always a new day. And cats.
Oh, and FWIW, rolling dough doesn’t sound too bad.
I have just gone through the very same experience. It’s a real brain fucker. The worst part I am realizing is how difficult it has become to do anything at all in this credit checking, resume chucking, bullshit country. I feel your grief.
This is an important site. Please don’t stop unless it’s what you must do for you. Enjoy the Midwest, it’s a good place.
Great pics amigo. I highly recommend listening to The Pilgrim “Walking into the Forest” on your next long solo drive. A buddy turned me on to the album this morning. Me thinks you’d dig.
Embrace the nomadic life. Stasis is bad. Make motion, disruption, discovery… the new normal. See how that works out.
You’re awesome…cuz ya know why? You own your junk and don’t make excuses. I love having u here but I’ve learned to not hang on too tight to things, that’s where ur guaranteed to lose it. Cheers Mr Stevil… I’ll keep enjoying AHTBM while it’s still here and will still appreciate it to the fullest when it’s gone. Thanks for being u ❤️
Do what you must good sir. Also recognize that your art and engagement in the biking world has made your internet friends super happy. But don’t use this as an anchor brother Stevil, if it’s time to move on then we all support you. And if you want to continue AHTBM, then that’s cool too. We want you to find your way and be content.
Have some bison while you read posts
Keep on keeping on buddy.
I was in a cab awhile back and the driver handed me a notebook and asked me to write down my life philosophy. Having not developed my own I borrowed yours and wrote, “Live each day like it’s maybe your last.” Thanks for the inspiration. Good luck on the trip.
Who would have thought after all the years that this 6th grade student would so perfectly describe how this 6th grade teacher is feeling at this moment…untethered and heartbroken. One step at a time for both of us.
When a door closes, a window opens.
Sending some extra love this week
Might I suggest Reading Blue Highways by William Least Heat-Moon, he went on a similar journey, albeit sans bike, so less fun.
I’ve been in your position before, and short of it damn near ruining me, it also served as the reset button for a lot of things gone football shaped in my life to that point. Not to sound tired and cliche’, but it does, in fact, get better. Good men are built of bad shit.