The trick is figuring out how to find humor in it.
When last we were together I was just about to pull up stakes with Geno, and bail on out of Colorado for points east. I’d just concluded waxing poetically about how a person couldn’t love their partner enough for two people, and how I was out in the world in an attempt at learning how to love myself, for both the benefit of myself, as well as her.
There have been some abrupt and sweeping changes in my reality in the week since, which leaves me further in the wind than ever. Do I impulsively shutter this entire site, and get a job rolling pizza dough in the mountains of Colorado for the rest of my life? Do I declare my love to the road, and drive until the wheels fall off? Do I continue to distract myself until I suddenly am no longer grieving the loss of everything I thought was? To be honest, (and I think at this point, I can be), I’ve not felt both so untethered, while simultaneously brokenhearted.
I’m in the throes of uncharted waters, and as turbulent as they may be, I feel a sense of pride in that my go-to is neither self harm, or self-deprecation. Pardon my language, but it’s been a fucked up road to get here, and though every day is a battle to keep one foot in front of the other, so far they’re both above the dirt, and as far as victories go, I’m holding on to this one with both hands.
Having said that, as the days pass by, at least there’s still visual fodder to document, and the continuing drive to pour a full beer over the head of both Mrs. and Mr. America;
So now what? Honestly, I have no idea. Take things one breath at a time, then hour, then day, and perhaps eventually I’ll be back upright, and maybe even able to laugh.