Alice Horton ain’t got nothin’ on me.

As I mentioned on Friday, I split town for a few days and have returned with a saga;

 What started out as a mini-secret between JennO and myself, turned into a full blown (Sylvester Stallone) conspiracy, as her husband and partner in the One On One Bicycles empire, GeneO, was set to celebrate the first anniversary of his twenty-fifth birthday and I was to somehow be involved. To surprise the old man, JMac and myself made a trip to Portland East under the cloak of darkness on Saturday morning, bringing with us our most freshly pressed pair of drinking pants; All I had heard was that he wanted no party, but rather had intended on building a fire next to the Mississippi river and watching the sun rise. Of course nothing so simple can be, as the gaggle of local would-be revelers instead all converged on Hurl’s house, leaving the surprisers and the birthday boy at home drinking out of a gigantic box of beer on our own.

To paraphrase the old adage, the best laid plans, are not.

Regardless of the initial plan going completely off the rails, J and I stashed ourselves until Gene came home and emerged from our hiding place to wish him our best and our loudest;

I’m not entirely sure, but I think the gesture might have even lead to some eye precipitation;

They could have been tears of joy, or possibly tears at the thought of what the next two days would have in store.

We kept the raging to a dull roar on the first night and woke up the following morning committed to our original directive. Packing a bag full of libations and stuffing the little Os into their Stay-Puff winter suits, we walked to the falls, which I have convinced myself eventually drain into the cleansing waters of Lake Minnetonka;

Sadly for me, Apollonia was nowhere to be seen.

Anyhow, we continued on our way;And finally arrived at the spot where we would make things on fire;J has his phone in a cup to make the music louder. It is, what his better half referred to as his ‘ghetto amplification system’, which by the way, if you type into the Googles, yields this result;We hung out on the beach and watched the smoke rise into the sky while discussing matters of life, love and everything in between;



Go ahead and hang up with child protective services. Hanna is drinking melted snow out of that can.

We spent the day burning whatever we could find, until the sun started to drop and we had to return home to prepare for a dinner reservation later that evening. Of course when you’ve spent two days drinking in the same clothes, ‘preparing for dinner’ is really just washing your hands. We arrived at the schmancy taco/tequila bar downtown and met up with a few friends. At this point, things get fuzzy, but this is why I bring a camera around;After dinner, I parted ways with my compatriots to steal away with an old friend who I had long lost contact with. After a quick session of ‘what have you been up to for the last decade?’, we said our goodbyes and she dropped me back at The Studio, where I jumped in with both feet;All of this resulted in two noteworthy occurrences. The first of which was GeneO mentioning that he’d been discussing organizing an installation of Shellac posters with the band’s drummer, Todd Trainer. Of the details that were proposed, the most exciting was Todd’s suggestion that I curate the shows. Gene and I did our best to spitball concepts but mostly we just spit up on each other. Certainly, if this develops further along past the talking stage, then I will most certainly blow it up as best I can here. It would be an incredible opportunity for me to work with a band I hold dear, filled with a number of examples of art that doesn’t suck;The second of the two previously mentioned noteworthy occurrences was JMac nearly exploding all over the inside of Brauer’s car;I’ve known, ridden with, raced with, traveled with and bendered along side of J for sixteen years and though I’ve seen him do a number of ridiculous things, I’ve never seen him A) barf and/or B) barf in front of my face while leaning over me and propping himself up on my leg.

Sometimes being friends with my friends is like hanging out with a bunch of car sick four year olds.

Now I’m home and my world seems a little more right in some ways and a little more wrong in others.

But as is sometimes said, “like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.”

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15 Responses to “Alice Horton ain’t got nothin’ on me.”

  1. kimbrolio February 29, 2012 at 7:20 am #

    Why don’t you go ahead and “curate” that Jay Ryan print in the mail to my house?

  2. Ben February 29, 2012 at 7:42 am #

    Looks familiar…

    This week I’ve been having simultaneous thoughts of really wishing I was back east for the festivities, and being perfectly happy that I was not. Don’t tell Geno, but we’re all getting older. He doesn’t know it yet. And do tell JMac not to worry about the racing stripe on Marnie’s car, it looks faster and also gives Brauer something to do later.

  3. Keith Earickson February 29, 2012 at 7:45 am #

    Sometimes puke looks good on a car, it’s like racing flames.

  4. D.estr(oy) February 29, 2012 at 10:03 am #

    Prince reference was priceless. Have any of those handsome cycles coaster brake hubs that you want to sell/donate to a drunk bicycle race team? We keep blowing out crappy ones. We will list you as out sponsor at the race and when we finally go to AA….

    • Stevil February 29, 2012 at 11:34 am #

      I only have the one pre-production one on hand. Handsome should have an assortment come April time however.

  5. Harold Holdren February 29, 2012 at 11:44 am #

    Good shit Stevil.
    Today I had my pre-surgery appt…..AHTBM was scribbled on the whiteboard in his office. Next to the diagram of my fucked up spine, proud moment…

  6. Nived February 29, 2012 at 2:33 pm #

    Ahh Portland East,,, Next time I am driving up and taking somedays off to recover,, The 612 can be fun… Especially if you don’t get puked on.

  7. Jerry February 29, 2012 at 11:34 pm #

    You’ve got it backwards – Minnehaha Creek flows out of Lake Minnetonka.

    • Stevil March 1, 2012 at 3:52 pm #

      So apparently I was looking in the wrong place for her.

  8. Jim March 1, 2012 at 3:59 pm #

    Although black as Coal, your heart is big and warm. Looks like GeneO was pleasantly surprised. Well done.

  9. Gene O March 2, 2012 at 3:38 pm #

    I was overwhelmed with emotions that I could not show cuz im a man. Payback coming….

  10. Zito March 4, 2012 at 11:33 am #

    Oh how I miss the hijinx!! Hurl is looking more and more like the Satanic Mechanic, and JMac should have puked on BrauerPower! I may just have to move back!! The little O’s look like they are just about ready to begin playing with fireworks!!

  11. BoNer March 10, 2012 at 1:32 am #

    New to the area. Can someone please tell me where the frozen waterfall in the pix is located?

    • Stevil March 10, 2012 at 4:45 am #

      Minnehaha Falls off of the avenue of the same name. When the weather gets nice, go in and see David at Sea Salt, which is a eatery nearby. Tell him I sent you and he’ll have no idea what you’re talking about.

      • BoNer March 10, 2012 at 5:23 pm #

        Thanks….cannot wait to see David…